I feel a short story brewing, and I'm off center.

Wow.  It's been eight whole days since I've even remembered that I have a blog.  The end of the week was exhausting; the weekend was a storm of unproductive activity; the beginning of this week was crisis packed on top of crisis (not for me personally, but I was related to the incidents.).  I can't believe I was foolish enough to even think that I would do any writing during this time.  I do still occasionally think about my novel, but I know it is going to be hard to get back to it.  I'm in that horrible place where I want it to be done but am not sure what to do next.

I do feel a short story brewing though.  It is a weird feeling.  I actually wonder how many stories I've lost because it took me so long to even realize what this feeling is.  In the past, I would get this feeling, this very feeling that is dancing away inside me right now, and would be irritated by it, and frustrated by it, and would just wait it out.  I would wait and complain about it until the feeling went away, then be relieved when it did.  I wonder if those stories would have been any good.

Now there is a story brewing, and I recognize the feeling.  I know it is in there, hidden somewhere in my brain, and is piecing itself together so that when it is ready it will let me know.  It is an odd feeling--sort of like ants under my skin in the front of my brain and in my fingers.  It's all itchy and scratchy and feels like static electricity jolting around my veins.  It truly makes me wonder if other writers, if I dare to consider myself such, have an actual physical feeling with their writing.  I honestly have this jittery ambiance inside of my head and hands that I know now will manifest as a story.

Someone told me today that I was off center.  Though I'm quite sure the lady did not mean it nicely, I find it to be a fairly accurate portrayal of what I thought was an obvious fact.  I think I like that description of my quirkiness and am going to embrace the fact that I am off center.

No vocabulary because I'm exhausted, thoroughly exhausted.  My new plan is to create a new plan either in the last week of this year or the first week of the new year.  It will include reachable weekly goals, monthly goals, periodic goals, and a time table.  There may not be much for the next week or so, but by golly, watch out in 2010.

Adjustment

So obviously the seven month plan was a bit over enthusiastic.  Either that, or I am just supremely unable to manage my time.  Weekends are spent buying presents and otherwise preparing for a holiday I find nothing but stressful.   I am probably the least joyful person you know (or don't know for that matter).  I just really don't enjoy much about this time of year, except the occasionally snow day from school.

I found that the little thoughts of my story trip through my mind less frequently now.  This is more reason than any to keep writing, to keep working, to keep pushing forward.  However, my husband's job is working him to death.  He is currently on his way home from a 13 hour shift.  Which means I spent my entire evening up to this point entertaining two toddlers, feeding two toddlers, cleaning two toddlers, and putting one toddler to bed.  I actually can't believe I remembered to sit and write this.  I now have to grade an inordinate amount of papers.  Part of the reason I'm behind is just because that is how I roll.  Another reason I'm behind is because there are entirely too many unusual things going on at school right now, and I never can manage to spend my planning period actually doing my work.  Instead, I spend my planning period every day dealing with someone else's issues.  Sometimes I think I'm too nice.  Other times, I think I'm not nearly as nice as I should be.

My current plan is 1) to survive the rest of the work week and do everything possible to get caught up 2) promise myself that if I get a snow cancellation or delay that I will use the time to be productive at something, anything and 3) rework my seven month plan to accommodate a crazy December, but still have specific goals in mind.

Word of the day: fatuous.  The rest of the week went by uneventfully, and I nearly to succumb to the fatuous thought that I would complete my visit with Nina and return home with my entire psyche intact.

Really?

I'm not sure what I was thinking.  Why on earth did I think I could continue writing when I don't have the positive pressure of NaNo, and I do have the negative pressure of holidays, school work, and hubby's crappy job?  The story is slowly, not so slowly, slipping away.  I know the very next thing that happens, but that is all.  I have to get my main character out of the place where he is, I have to develop the antagonist as just that and not just another guy, I unfortunately have to bring the romantic interest back in, and I still have to hope that when I get to the end I'll know what to do and how to do.  The longer I wait to get back at it, I feel the less likely that it will happen.  It's not going to happen tonight because I took care of kids, I fed kids, I graded 76 tests (that were 13 pages each), and now I'm thinking about my writing, because honestly, that is all I can do right now.  I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.

Word of the day: abeyance.  She had been this way before.  I've seen her go for days with no sleep, wandering the side of the mountain, eating little, speaking none.  Whenever she experienced senseless death she threw herself into the life that was the earth, her mountain.  She wouldn't even take a small abeyance from the movement and essence of the world.  Even when I snuck one of her herbal soporifics into her morning tea, she refused to stop traipsing about the countryside.

Chugga Chugga Choo Choo

I really wish that NaNo was in a different month besides November.  I understand why the summer months are the best overall though I believe they would be best for me.  Why not January?  There are 31 days, you've spent all your money at Christmas, the weather is cold and cruddy.  What else is there to do besides write a novel?  Anyway, now that NaNo is over, I'm having a hard time getting myself back to my novel.  I can feel the characters slowly slipping out of my grip.  I have a ton of school work to accomplish tonight, so my goal is to write tomorrow night.  I want to get a good three to four thousand words tomorrow night, and then work on it a bunch this weekend.

Word of the day: rusticate.  Going to stay with Nina was making the decision to rusticate.  She refused to join the rest of the world when it came to technology, denying all aspects of modern life except basic electricity and a phone.  I wouldn't be surprised to discover she dug the old well herself.  Even Thoreau would be proud.

December and 31 days

Before the craziness that is NaNo, I was writing on the blog every day.  I was consciously making a choice every single day to do something toward my writing.  Then in November, I managed to write 50,000 words in less than 30 days.  Even if I didn't do something every single day, I accomplished something major.  I am very happy with what I accomplished.  I am actually happy with the arch the story was beginning take.  My characters were beginning to speak for themselves.

But now it is December, the worst month for trying to accomplish anything (the second worst month being November).  As NaNo started coming to a close, and I realized I was going to make it, I began saying that I wanted to complete the manuscript in December.  I formulated an intricate plan.  December - finish my novel manuscript.  January - work on a collaborative short story with a writing buddy.  February - begin novel edit and revise.  March - work on writer's conference submission and begin short story and continue novel edit and revise.  April - revise and edit short story and continue/complete novel edit and revise.  May - submit short story and apply for writer's conference.  June - begin short story and perhaps continue to edit revise novel. 

That is a seven month plan.  It is a scary plan.  I even feel that I have left myself some wiggle room.  I believe I have set feasible goals.  Now, I just have to take action.  My first step will be to get back to writing in this very blog every day and go back to my vocabulary workouts.  My second step will be to work on my novel at least once every three days.  Step three will be to survive the holidays. :)  I am not a fan of holidays, and this major one coming is as much my least favorite as it is the most favorite for the majority of people.

Word of the day: intrepid.  I wish I could say I had an intrepid demeanor when I went to stay with Nina.  I wish I could say I had no doubts or fears, but that would be a lie.  I was dreading the time with her, and I feared what would become of me after spending an entire week in her home.