I'm really not sure where the time has gone. I'm really not sure what I've been doing that I've not managed to get any writing or blogging done. The time between now and when the application is due is flying by at a frantic pace. However, the time between when the application is due and when they inform me of whether I've been accepted will be interminable. In reality, the time is nearly the same and is actually shorter on the notification end.
I'm disillusioned. I wonder if I'm having my second existential crisis. I had one in college, and while I felt miraculously better when it was over, it had repercussions that have rebounded through the rest of my life, and not all positively. For example, in college I realized that time as we measure it, days, hours, months, doesn't actually exist. I realized that time is the waning and waxing of the moon and the turning of the seasons. I don't think I've been on time to an event since. Seriously.
It seems I can work really hard on only one thing at a time. I can do seventeen things half-assed, but only one well. So lately, I've been doing pretty well on my diet and exercise. I've also stayed completely on top of all my current grading. The first is supposed to give me more energy and less fat to haul around. The second is supposed to give me more time to work on the things I love, writing. However, it just doesn't seem to be happening.
I piece-mealed several sections together and added tons of notes to create what will, I believe, eventually be the first half of my application. I've been stuck ever since. There is something hanging in the distance, like a fog rising up to reveal the mossy forest behind. That forest is made up of trees, and leaves and branches and full of life brimming and buzzing. I can feel the buzz, but my eyes see nothing but the haze that hangs in the distance, close enough to be tangible, but so ethereal as to be holy, unsafe to touch.
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