Rough, Rougher, and Tough

Last week was rough.  I started a couple hundred words ahead, but threw that all away by writing nothing on Monday.  I tried not to get discouraged, since I had such a good weekend and was able to completely recover from a day of not writing,  On Tuesday I wrote just over 1000 words, which is nothing to frown at, but wasn't nearly enough to get me caught up.  Then on Wednesday, I wrote nothing once again.  I even started ignoring the NaNoWriMo website.

Then things got even rougher at school.  On Thursday, I wrote 879 words.  On Friday, I wrote 327.  I even posted on my local NaNo Facebook page that I felt like giving up.  I woke up on Saturday to do the math and realize I was 7301 words behind schedule.  The handy, dandy tools on the NaNo site projected that if I continued at my current rate, I would finish (reach 50K) somewhere near the end of December.  It also calculated that for me to finish on time I would need to write nearly 2000 words a day.  All of those numbers frustrated me to no end.

On Saturday, I got tough.  I was 7301 behind schedule, but I was going to simply make small goals and not worry about the large task in front of me.  My first goal was to finish the chapter I was in.  I don't like that character, and she is difficult to work with.  I reached that goal, and it landed me in a chapter I've been dying to write.  So, I kept going, and my next goal was to write that exciting chapter.  But that chapter didn't go as expected and came to an abrupt end I wasn't expecting without getting me to the part I'd been excited about.  I took a quick break, just to sit down and find out that the character I don't like was insisting on having another chapter.  So, I decided to get this completely unplanned for chapter out of the way.  This stupid character was ruining my beautiful outline.

Interesting things happened in that chapter.  One of the reasons I don't like this character, besides the obvious I know the horrible things she going to do later on, is that she essentially has a schizophrenic personality which is damn hard to write.  However, in this random chapter she insisted be written, I started to get the hang of her split-naturedness, and laid a seed for a beautiful piece of prose I know comes later in the story.  That chapter ended on a little piece of loveliness, and I kept moving without taking a break.

The next chapter ended up being a continuation of the previous one I'd been looking forward to, and this time I got to the place I'd been hoping to, the scene I wanted to write.  It didn't go as expected either, but also ended on something surprisingly pleasant.  Either way, I was back on track with my outline.  Which allowed me to constantly have some idea of what came next.

Yesterday, I wrote 5505 words.  I ended the day 1796 words behind, but instead of feeling like an insurmountable task, it felt like a drop in the bucket compared to what I had accomplished.  I went to bed in the middle of a chapter knowing I would end today either completely caught up or ahead of where I needed to be, which is 21,667.  Reaching the 20's is pretty cool when your goal is 50K.

Two very interesting things happened yesterday.  Firstly, I remembered to surrender to my characters.  My plot outline is helping me greatly when I get stuck; however, I have to remember these characters are living, breathing things.  I want the reader to be surprised by their execution of free will; therefore, as the writer, I have to let them exercise their free will to act outside of my preconceived outline.  This novel is all about the difference between outward perception and inner perception of one's self and one's actions.  How can I be true to the story if I control all their actions?

Secondly, I realized the task I had completed.  I wrote 5505 words.  More than almost getting me to my goal, this is essentially the length of a short story.  I, in essence, wrote a short story worth of words yesterday.  This was a shock to me.  I've written several short stories over the years.  Some have been about this length, and a couple have been a couple thousand words longer.  The key to all of those is that I wrote them over the course of weeks.  Weeks.  I would get some idea, pound out a couple thousand words, then spend weeks trying to finish.  Yesterday, I realized that I can write the first draft of a short story in a single day.  This is a break through that is going to affect the rest of my writing life.  I have taken away my own chance at making excuses.

On a different note, I should hear back from three of my seven pending submissions this week.  I may even hear back from four, since one of them has already had my story 30 days longer than their estimated response time.  I have taken all of this in stride.  I have not been overly excited or anxious while waiting for a response.  Nor have I been dejected or frustrated by the rejections.  I was even very excited about the personal rejection I received last week that contained praise for my work and asked me to submit again.  But here's the deal.  For some reason, one of my current submissions has taken hold of me.  I've been anxiously awaiting their response.  Instead of my twice a day checking, I've been looking at my email every chance I get, up to 10 or more times a day.

According to the statistical evidence on Duotrope, I have every reason in the world to be excited.  They have rejected stories over the past few days that they have received after they received mine.  Duotrope says their average rejection time is 11 days, while their average acceptance time is 13 days.  They've had my story for 13 days.  This is a very prestigious lit mag.  It is so prestigious that I've not listed this submission on my submissions page here on my blog because I'm embarrassed.  I would be mortified for some of my actual, published, working author friends to see the submission and think to themselves, Why on earth does she think THAT lit mag would ever accept her work? 

At this point, I just want to know.  And I really, really hope that this unrestrained anxious positive feeling doesn't turn into an equally unrestrained sense of rejection if that is what happens.

Thanks for sticking with me through this.  I'm trying to figure out a way to count all these rambling words here towards my NaNo goal for the day. :)